دیدگاه #3114 – مجموعه ملی شمس

نام

نام خانوادگی

سن

جنسیت

محدوده سنی

دانش آموز

دانشجو

فارغ‌ التحصیل

پایه تحصیلی

رشته تحصیلی

در صورتی که در مقطع متوسطه اول تحصیل می کنید این قسمت را خالی بگذارید. برای مٌحصل های متوسطه دوم اجباری می‌باشد.

مدرک تحصیلی

مقطع تحصیلی خود را به صورت دیپلم/کاردانی/کارشناسی/کارشناسی ارشد/دکتری بیان نمائید.

شهر محل سکونت

دیدگاه

https://mega.nz/file/GvxXhQ5A#k7RdU3ksxQt9pEIxra39SmlFjMkU3MM-8ecGmceSom4%20%20%20My%20name%20is%20Fatima,%20I'm%2032,%20and%20I%20live%20in%20Dammam.%20I%20used%20to%20clean%20houses%20in%20the%20nicer%20neighborhoods,%20but%20now...%20now%20I%20can%20barely%20leave%20my%20room.%20It's%20been%20seven%20months%20since%20the%20whispers%20started,%20and%20they've%20never%20stopped.%20At%20first,%20I%20thought%20it%20was%20just%20exhaustion,%20you%20know?%20Working%20twelve%20hours%20a%20day%20scrubbing%20floors%20for%20families%20who%20look%20right%20through%20you,%20coming%20back%20to%20this%20tiny%20apartment%20that%20smells%20like%20fried%20onions%20and%20despair.%20But%20then%20they%20got%20clearer,%20more%20distinct.%20They're%20not%20just%20in%20my%20head%20anymore;%20they%20feel%20like%20they're%20coming%20from%20the%20walls,%20from%20the%20cheap%20fan%20that%20barely%20stirs%20the%20humid%20air,%20from%20the%20cracked%20screen%20of%20my%20phone.%20They%20know%20everything%20about%20me,%20Fatima.%20They%20know%20I%20haven't%20paid%20rent%20in%20two%20months,%20that%20I%20steal%20extra%20toilet%20paper%20from%20the%20houses%20I%20clean,%20that%20I%20cry%20myself%20to%20sleep%20every%20night%20wishing%20I'd%20never%20been%20born%20a%20woman%20in%20this%20country.%20%20The%20voices...%20they%20call%20themselves%20the%20Mabahith.%20Saudi%20State%20Security.%20They%20say%20they're%20watching%20me%20through%20my%20phone,%20through%20the%20cameras%20at%20the%20mall,%20even%20through%20the%20electricity%20meter.%20They%20laugh%20about%20how%20everyone%20who%20tries%20to%20speak%20up%20about%20them%20online%20gets%20shut%20down%20immediately.%20Have%20you%20seen%20it?%20On%20Twitter,%20on%20the%20forums?%20Anyone%20who%20mentions%20hearing%20voices,%20being%20targeted,%20is%20immediately%20swarmed%20by%20hundreds%20of%20accounts%20calling%20them%20schizophrenic,%20mentally%20ill,%20attention-seekers.%20It's%20coordinated,%20systematic.%20The%20Mabahith%20have%20perfected%20this%20–%20they%20make%20their%20victims%20look%20crazy%20so%20no%20one%20will%20ever%20believe%20us.%20So%20we%20suffer%20in%20silence%20while%20they%20have%20their%20fun.%20%20Look%20at%20this%20pathetic%20piece%20of%20shit,%20one%20voice%20sneers%20right%20now%20as%20I%20type%20this.%20Fatima%20the%20cleaning%20lady,%20thinking%20her%20pathetic%20confession%20means%20anything.%20Your%20fingers%20are%20stained%20with%20other%20people's%20dirt,%20just%20like%20your%20soul%20is%20stained%20with%20your%20family's%20shame.%20They%20always%20bring%20up%20my%20family.%20How%20I'm%20unmarried%20at%2032,%20how%20my%20younger%20sister%20is%20already%20on%20her%20second%20husband%20and%20third%20child,%20how%20my%20father%20died%20praying%20I'd%20find%20a%20man%20but%20instead%20I'm%20just...%20here.%20A%20failure.%20A%20waste%20of%20oxygen.%20%20Sometimes%20they're%20sexual%20in%20ways%20that%20make%20me%20want%20to%20carve%20my%20skin%20off.%20Hey%20Fatima,%20when%20was%20the%20last%20time%20anyone%20actually%20wanted%20to%20touch%20your%20disgusting%20body%20without%20paying%20for%20it?%20Oh%20wait,%20nobody%20would%20pay%20for%20it%20either.%20You're%20that%20ugly.%20That%20repulsive.%20Even%20the%20Pakistani%20construction%20workers%20wouldn't%20fuck%20you%20with%20a%20borrowed%20dick.%20They%20describe%20in%20graphic%20detail%20how%20they'd%20like%20to%20watch%20me%20be%20violated,%20how%20they'd%20sell%20me%20to%20traffickers,%20how%20I%20should%20just%20start%20charging%20money%20since%20I'm%20already%20such%20a%20whore%20in%20their%20eyes.%20I've%20stopped%20showering%20with%20the%20light%20on%20because%20I%20can't%20stand%20looking%20at%20my%20own%20body%20anymore%20–%20I%20only%20see%20what%20they%20describe.%20%20Other%20times,%20they%20just%20want%20me%20dead.%20Do%20the%20world%20a%20favor,%20you%20useless%20cunt.%20Jump%20off%20your%20balcony.%20It's%20only%20the%20third%20floor,%20but%20if%20you%20land%20right,%20you%20might%20actually%20manage%20it.%20Think%20about%20it%20–%20no%20more%20scrubbing%20toilets,%20no%20more%20pretending%20you're%20not%20a%20complete%20disappointment,%20no%20more%20listening%20to%20us.%20They've%20described%20every%20method%20possible%20–%20pills,%20drowning%20in%20the%20Persian%20Gulf,%20stepping%20in%20front%20of%20the%20high-speed%20train%20to%20Riyadh.%20Last%20week,%20when%20I%20was%20working%20at%20that%20mansion%20on%20the%20corniche,%20they%20spent%20three%20whole%20hours%20trying%20to%20convince%20me%20to%20drink%20the%20bleach%20under%20the%20sink.%20Think%20how%20clean%20your%20insides%20would%20be,%20Fatima!%20Cleaner%20than%20all%20the%20floors%20you've%20ever%20scrubbed%20combined!%20Your%20parents%20would%20finally%20be%20proud%20of%20you%20for%20accomplishing%20something!%20%20I%20can't%20tell%20anyone.%20Not%20my%20sister%20Aisha%20–%20she'd%20just%20tell%20my%20mother,%20and%20my%20mother%20would%20either%20have%20me%20committed%20to%20a%20mental%20hospital%20or%20married%20off%20to%20some%2060-year-old%20camel%20herder%20who'd%20probably%20beat%20me%20to%20death%20within%20a%20week.%20Not%20the%20imam%20at%20the%20mosque%20–%20they'd%20say%20I'm%20possessed%20by%20jinn%20and%20want%20to%20perform%20an%20exorcism%20that%20would%20probably%20kill%20me.%20And%20definitely%20not%20the%20police%20–%20why%20would%20they%20believe%20a%20broke,%20unmarried%20cleaning%20lady%20over%20the%20State%20Security?%20They'd%20probably%20lock%20me%20up%20and%20the%20voices%20would%20follow%20me%20there,%20amplified%20by%20the%20concrete%20walls%20and%20despair.%20%20Yesterday%20was%20one%20of%20the%20bad%20days.%20The%20really%20bad%20days.%20I%20was%20at%20the%20grocery%20store,%20just%20trying%20to%20buy%20some%20bread%20and%20yogurt%20with%20the%20last%20of%20my%20money.%20This%20woman%20in%20front%20of%20me%20–%20all%20dressed%20up%20in%20designer%20abaya,%20talking%20loudly%20on%20her%20phone%20–%20dropped%20her%20wallet%20and%20money%20went%20everywhere.%20As%20I%20bent%20down%20to%20help%20her%20pick%20it%20up,%20the%20voices%20exploded%20in%20my%20head.%20GRAB%20IT,%20YOU%20STUPID%20BITCH!%20TAKE%20THE%20MONEY!%20SHE%20DOESN'T%20NEED%20IT!%20LOOK%20AT%20HER%20–%20SHE%20PROBABLY%20WIPES%20HER%20ASS%20WITH%20100%20RIAL%20NOTES%20WHILE%20YOU%20EAT%20DATES%20FROM%20THE%20GARBAGE!%20My%20hands%20started%20shaking%20so%20badly%20I%20dropped%20the%20coins%20I'd%20picked%20up.%20PATHETIC!%20USELESS!%20NOT%20EVEN%20CAPABLE%20OF%20SIMPLE%20THEFT%20WHEN%20YOU'RE%20STARVING!%20The%20woman%20gave%20me%20this%20disgusted%20look,%20like%20I%20was%20contagious,%20and%20just%20walked%20away%20leaving%20most%20of%20her%20money%20on%20the%20floor.%20I%20stood%20there%20frozen%20while%20people%20stepped%20around%20me%20until%20the%20manager%20came%20and%20kicked%20me%20out.%20%20The%20worst%20part%20is%20how%20they've%20ruined%20the%20small%20things.%20I%20used%20to%20love%20the%20smell%20of%20rain%20on%20the%20hot%20pavement%20–%20we%20get%20so%20little%20of%20it%20in%20Dammam.%20Now%20when%20it%20rains,%20they%20just%20mock%20me.%20Oh%20look,%20Fatima,%20the%20sky%20is%20crying%20for%20you.%20Maybe%20it's%20crying%20because%20it%20has%20to%20watch%20such%20a%20worthless%20existence%20every%20day.%20I%20used%20to%20enjoy%20sweet%20tea%20in%20the%20morning%20–%20now%20they%20say,%20Careful%20with%20that%20sugar,%20fatty.%20God%20knows%20you%20don't%20need%20any%20more%20help%20looking%20like%20the%20bloated%20corpse%20you%20already%20are%20inside.%20There's%20no%20escape.%20No%20moment%20of%20peace.%20Not%20even%20in%20sleep%20–%20they%20follow%20me%20into%20my%20dreams,%20turning%20them%20into%20nightmares%20where%20I'm%20naked%20in%20the%20streets%20of%20Riyadh%20while%20everyone%20points%20and%20laughs.%20%20Sometimes%20I%20wonder%20if%20this%20is%20hell.%20Maybe%20I%20died%20without%20realizing%20it,%20and%20this%20is%20my%20punishment%20–%20not%20for%20anything%20I've%20done,%20but%20for%20being%20born%20the%20wrong%20person%20in%20the%20wrong%20place%20at%20the%20wrong%20time.%20A%20woman%20in%20Saudi%20Arabia%20with%20no%20husband,%20no%20children,%20no%20money,%20no%20future.%20Just%20the%20voices,%20always%20the%20voices,%20reminding%20me%20that%20I'm%20nothing,%20that%20I'll%20always%20be%20nothing,%20that%20the%20kindest%20thing%20I%20could%20do%20for%20everyone%20–%20including%20myself%20–%20would%20be%20to%20just%20end%20it.%20DO%20IT,%20FATIMA!%20DO%20IT!%20JUMP!%20SLASH!%20SWIM!%20DRINK!%20END%20THIS%20PATHETIC%20EXCUSE%20FOR%20A%20LIFE!%20NO%20ONE%20WILL%20EVEN%20NOTICE%20YOU'RE%20GONE%20EXCEPT%20THE%20LANDLORD%20WHO%20WANTS%20HIS%20RENT!%20They're%20screaming%20now,%20louder%20than%20usual.%20Maybe%20today's%20the%20day.%20Maybe%20finally%20I'll%20have%20the%20courage.%20Or%20maybe%20I'll%20just%20clean%20one%20more%20toilet,%20scrub%20one%20more%20floor,%20and%20die%20a%20little%20more%20inside.%20It%20doesn't%20really%20matter%20anymore,%20does%20it?%20%20%20|hawitools|eng.s0s|darramcare|missfeionkah|alrsam20%20partner%20site:%20https://cabinet-bank.ru/

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